Happy 3 months to this sweet, precious soul that God blessed our family with on August 7, 2016. We officially survived the newborn stage. I say “survived” because I’m actually beginning to come out of one of the unhappiest, darkest times of my life. Everyone always asks how baby is doing, but here is why you should always ask how Mom is doing.

The night Ron was born, he was the little light in the middle of a dark stretch of time in that hospital in labor and delivery. The hospital had already lost one precious baby and they were about to lose another. They didn’t let us know what was going on until after our sweet Ron was delivered. It was a very somber couple of days and all I wanted to do was hold on to both of my boys and go home. We finally got to leave and I began to feel much better after we got back to our home.

The first month was exhausting, but little Ron and I bonded immediately and got closer each day. I had a little bit of the “baby blues”, but it was nothing compared to what I had with my firstborn. A little time went by and I actually said to my husband and parents, “Wow I just really feel pretty good and think I’m in the clear with being negatively affected by the crazy hormones!” I said that because they all know that I had a few signs of PPD when MB was born. Around week 7 postpartum with baby Ron, the hormones hit me like a freight train. Nobody tells you about the second wave around the second month PP that can get you. I began to completely come unraveled. I was more anxious than I have ever been in my life to the point I would shake like a leaf as soon as I would wake up in the morning. I couldn’t eat. I’m 5’7 and had gotten down to 117 lbs. I had headaches, was dizzy, and didnt want to interact with anyone. My biggest fear was not getting enough sleep. I was making something out of nothing and became so worried I wasn’t going to be able to get sleep that I was literally making myself sick. At this time, Ron was already only waking maybe twice per night and going right back to sleep, so obviously there wasn’t even an issue. Thank God for my husband. Oh my gosh I can’t even begin to tell you how this man held me together. He’s the one having to go to an office everyday but HE stayed up until 12:30-1:00 every morning to “dream feed” our baby so I could get a longer stretch of sleep. He bonded with our brand new baby during this time because he felt so bad for him. He knew I was sick. I don’t ever want to talk about that time again or even give details of it because it’s just dark and it’s ugly. All I know is that I’m lucky to be a type of person to where if something is getting to me and bothering me I literally cannot hold it in. I began to feel like I would literally burst open if I didn’t express myself to my husband, my parents, and my brother. My husband and my parents literally (almost physically) had to pull me out of this funk. And thank God they could.

We are 13 weeks postpartum now and I feel like me again. Little Ron is honestly one of the “easiest” babies that I have ever come across, which left me confused on what my problem was. Postpartum hormones are no joke though. Eventually I will detail this situation out, but for now it’s too soon and it’s too real. If you have experienced this, you know that. If you do experience this, you need to talk to you’re husband, doctor, and family. If you have a family member who just had a baby, always ask how mommy is doing. She’s been through so much physically and emotionally and if you have never had a baby, you have no idea.

Happy 3 months my precious man. I’m truly so happy to be able to enjoy you and everything you bring to this family.

Coming Out of the Newborn Fog & PPD

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